How is the recession affecting the mental health of Americans? What I am seeing is that either people have plenty of money and haven’t been hurt that much, or they have virtually no money and they’re hurt a lot. The ones hurting a lot can’t sleep, they are depressed, anxious … and amazingly the ones with no money are usually making a good living … $50,000 a year and often much more, but they report that money doesn’t go far these days and, yes, they’ll admit that they’ve bought more house, car and clothes than they can afford, among other things. (Parade magazine today defines America’s middle class as those making between $40,000 and $200,000).

I’m not a social worker, and my practice is geared toward high-functioning people who typically make a good living … but it is interesting to me that so many with good incomes are barely making it, which causes me to conclude that in America the middle class has almost ceased to exist — probably due to a lack of self control combined with the assistance of greedy credit card companies. Wouldn’t it be great to see the middle class return and experience some of the things our parents did – savings accounts, trips, a new car every few years? So what’s keeping people who should be in the middle class so darn broke? And can’t we come up with another term besides middle class since it just doesn’t feel the same as it used to?

Sandra is a 46-year-old banker with a six-figure income. She is about to be laid off and is terrified of losing it all … she blames herself and others …

“I am drowning in credit card debt and I make a good living,” she says "I did all the stuff like buy a big house and car, then I wanted clothes and TV’s and whatnot, and before I knew it I had $50,000 in credit card debt.  One slow payment and the rate got hiked WAY up, and I just don’t think it’s fair.”

I agree. Back in the late 1990’s I got to spend some time on Capitol Hill with lawmakers, and at many of the after work cocktail parties there were lobbyists from Master Card, Discover and Visa standing around like snake oil salesmen at a circus, and what they were selling was getting congressmen to sympathize with their need to gouge the public. If you ask me, these companies are some of the greediest in America – Discover charging up to 31% interest for consumers who exceed their limit twice in a year or miss a payment, and other cards charging up to 32%. This is why Americans are sinking downward and unable to get ahead.

“I want to pay for what I have bought,” says Sandra. “But with a credit card interest rate of 32% all I can do is service the debt, and not pay it down. It is so depressing, and then sometimes I absolutely must charge to get groceries or pay a medical bill, so it keeps adding up.”

What can Americans do? In the age of bailouts for corporations, I think Americans themselves should receive a consumer debt bailout that allows them to pay off their debts at a reasonable rate, and not at the insatiably greedy rates of 20% and above. I work from the idea that we want to pay what we owe, but for heaven’s sake let’s not allow loan shark-like credit card companies to hold us hostage – the current situation  is a recipe for depression and anxiety if ever there was one. Perhaps we need a rebellion — let’s raise hell until Congress gets it done.

I’m not an economist, but I have a friend who is. When I told him of my idea to have Congress put a seal on how high credit card companies could raise interest rates, to say 10 percent, he said it was a good idea.

“But it should be tied to the prime lending rate,” says Jim, my CFO friend. “Not just a random and concrete rate. Three percent over the prime rate should be about right. Anything over that is greed.”

So, Americans, what will you do to demand that credit card companies be reasonable?

Sandra is 52 and has a lot to say about relationships…

“When I was younger, marriage sounded appealing. Of course I had seen plenty of Disney movies where a man entered some forlorn girl’s world and turned it around to glitter, crowns, and lifelong love and adoration, but to me, partnering up with a man and experiencing life, love, family and maybe even growing spiritually and financially together seemed like an adventure I wanted to go on, and so I did. Three times! (long pause and a sigh) And so I’ve been single 10 years, and I want to hook up and commit, but I can’t go through another divorce financially, legally, or emotionally, and yet living with a man without some protection doesn’t seem like a fit either. I guess I want more and some sense of safety … so I’m in limbo …”

But you don’t have to be in limbo, Sandra, because Doctor Becky has an idea for men and women who believe they are through with marriage, yet want more, and the answer has been in front of our faces for a long time – the commitment ceremony.

Yes, friends, the perfect answer for those of us who don’t want to have kids but probably do have kids and want to keep what we’ve managed to scrape together so far, but still want to share with a partner on some level, is to borrow an idea from our gay friends and scream it to the world that we’re totally committed to the one we love, but for whatever reason, we don’t want to legally wed.

“Commitment ceremonies mean many different things to different people. A commitment ceremony can look just like a wedding, complete with church, wedding gown, and hundreds of guests — but no marriage license. Or, a commitment ceremony can be the most alternative event imaginable: a ritual to bless your relationship, or just a big party to celebrate your love. A commitment ceremony can be a huge bash with all your friends and relatives in attendance, an intimate exchange between you and your partner, or a family rite of passage to strengthen the bonds between parents and children in a new unmarried stepfamily. You can call it a commitment ceremony, a wedding, a ceremony of union, or anything else you like!”

Source: http://www.unmarried.org/commitment-ceremonies.html

Unmarried.org sells books and ideas for people straight and gay who are interested in this sort of non legal commitment. I think it is time for society to offer all men and women alternative ways of being committed together without having to involve the county clerk and assumed legal entanglements that come with marriage – is there something wrong with specifically mutually agreeing about what we will and will not be committing ourselves to? To me, this is one way to create the safety some of us need to commit. And if a couple want to legally entangle and buy real estate – or anything – together, they can work out contracts as a brother or sister or friend and friend might do. What’s wrong with that?

All over the United States millions of men and women have had their hearts pilfered and pummeled, and as a result have folded their emotional tents and called romantic connection a day. Each person who does this carefully wraps up his or her heart in mothballs and stores it away in an impenetrable lock box, which is then buried in a location known only to the one done with love. It’s unfortunate, because being emotionally connected is as important to health and well being as exercise, food, sleep and other stuff that brings a person joy like music, fun and frolic.

I must admit as a participant in the dating scene, I have encountered numerous blokes who keep their hearts undercover and are emotionally unavailable (EU), and I’ve come to recognize some of their warning signs:

•    Hasn’t had a serious relationship in a zillion years, if ever.
•    Appears almost everywhere solo, or is seen with women who are also EU.
•    Is seen frequently on the same stool in one or two favorite singles bars.
•    Still pines for that great one that got away (who is now unavailable because she’s happily married, gay, or dead).
•    After enough dates that you think you might care, he says something like, “I think I should tell you I’m not the marrying kind,” or  “I just really enjoy my life on my own, thought you’d want to know," or, my favorite, "Sure we can be friends and hang out and date so long as you have absolutely no expectations and promise not to fall in love."

Gee, thanks. Now you tell me… ugh.

If I had my way, we’d round up all men and women in America who are EU and encourage them to once again come out and play. Of course finding love means taking a risk, but in business and love, the one thing successful people consistently report is that a day came when they had to take a deep breath, put themselves out there and take a chance, and now they’re glad they did. Yes, my friends, taking an intelligent risk can have huge payoffs.

So, life is a struggle, and whether you’re EU or not, pain is unavoidable. If only people understood that in the long run hiding your heart causes more damage than exposing it. If a person can accept these ideas and swim with the flow of life’s of ups and downs rather than against the current, then it can really mean the difference between living and existing.