Learn how to date and what choices to make.
It’s not wise to assume or stereotype, however, if you think this couple has the makings for a solid, lifelong marriage, you need to read this. Photo credit: Volodymyr/AdobeStock
Old men, young women
Only work in the beginning
She’s the past in summer dress
He’s a ride in a red Corvette
She’s a prize, he’s winning
She thinks it is what it isn’t.
And neither one can change what’s missing.
Old men, young women.
“Old Men, Young Women,” by Lori McKenna
Maybe I’m stating the obvious, but who you choose to spend your life with matters more than just about any decision a person could make. In my fantasies, I am the sole purveyor of marriage licenses, and no one can marry without my approval. Why do I want to control people’s choices? Most individuals who have married, left to their own free will, have done a disastrous job. So, what can we do to change that?
It’d be helpful if people put more than a little thought into it. When a person is 22 and focusing on hot guys, hot women, and those who can party down, the odds of the marital deal working out are slim to none. To me, the most important thing you can do is 1. Allow yourself to get past your 20s and get to know yourself and what matters to you. Who you are at 20 or 25 is not remotely who you will be at 35 or 45. 2. Focus on finding someone solid. This means they are healthy mentally and emotionally, free of addictions, do what they say they will do, are who they say they are, and you can count on them in all the different ways that matter. 3. Be able to tell yourself, “Man, this person enhances my life so much that I’d be a fool to let them go.”
Another thing is that although opposites can and do attract, that is not the best way to select a mate. Over the long haul of a life spent together, you’ll want someone who can be your best friend and cherished companion, who is flexible, who goes with the flow, and who is kind and capable of the back-and-forth giving and taking of relationships. If you knew you’d have one car to see you through your entire life, wouldn’t you choose something solid and reliable that could see you through all stages of life, from youth to parenthood to old age?
Becky Whetstone is an Arkansas native and has a Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy from St. Mary’s University in San Antonio, Texas. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in Texas and Arkansas. 
