All over the United States millions of men and women have had their hearts pilfered and pummeled, and as a result have folded their emotional tents and called romantic connection a day. Each person who does this carefully wraps up his or her heart in mothballs and stores it away in an impenetrable lock box, which is then buried in a location known only to the one done with love. It’s unfortunate, because being emotionally connected is as important to health and well being as exercise, food, sleep and other stuff that brings a person joy like music, fun and frolic.

I must admit as a participant in the dating scene, I have encountered numerous blokes who keep their hearts undercover and are emotionally unavailable (EU), and I’ve come to recognize some of their warning signs:

•    Hasn’t had a serious relationship in a zillion years, if ever.
•    Appears almost everywhere solo, or is seen with women who are also EU.
•    Is seen frequently on the same stool in one or two favorite singles bars.
•    Still pines for that great one that got away (who is now unavailable because she’s happily married, gay, or dead).
•    After enough dates that you think you might care, he says something like, “I think I should tell you I’m not the marrying kind,” or  “I just really enjoy my life on my own, thought you’d want to know," or, my favorite, "Sure we can be friends and hang out and date so long as you have absolutely no expectations and promise not to fall in love."

Gee, thanks. Now you tell me… ugh.

If I had my way, we’d round up all men and women in America who are EU and encourage them to once again come out and play. Of course finding love means taking a risk, but in business and love, the one thing successful people consistently report is that a day came when they had to take a deep breath, put themselves out there and take a chance, and now they’re glad they did. Yes, my friends, taking an intelligent risk can have huge payoffs.

So, life is a struggle, and whether you’re EU or not, pain is unavoidable. If only people understood that in the long run hiding your heart causes more damage than exposing it. If a person can accept these ideas and swim with the flow of life’s of ups and downs rather than against the current, then it can really mean the difference between living and existing.

Hello from Ft. Worth, Texas!

You know, it’s not such a bad thing to spend an entire day listening to Susan Johnson, the creator and brainchild behind Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Johnson is a genius and master therapist, yet she is engaging and funny to listen to. One thing I’ve gotten from her so far today is that she believes most relational problems are due to attachment issues, and that if we can get our relationships to a point where both individuals feel safe with the other, then magic can happen. I do agree that if we boil it all down, Johnson’s mantra that, "What we all need is to know that you’re going to be there for me," is vital. She says that humans have been in a trend of isolating and going it alone, and this creates health problems, misery, and shortened lives.

"We all need one or two humans in the world to care about us," she says. "We each need to know that we can reach out a hand to one or two people on the planet who will take it and squeeze back."

That, she says, is the key to thriving physically, mentally, and emotionally.

So … do you all have that one or two humans on the planet that you can touch and who will be there for you?? When fighting life’s dangers and pitfalls, knowing someone else is there for you means the difference of having a will to fight .. otherwise, what’s the use?

Stay tuned for more live comments from Ft. Worth!!

Shana was a doctoral student with me several years ago, and knows her stuff when it comes to psychological issues. Here’s her comment about the letter below from "S":

Becky baby.. i read your blog!

Something is definitely up with that guy…i wonder.. does he take any kind of medication?

I know certain beta blockers can cause depression..

Shana

Dear Shana baby,

I’ll write "S" an email and ask her about her husband’s meds .. . together we’ll solve this mystery! Stay tuned …

Becky