Note: This one is for the single women of the world – one for men will follow …
On the surface, you’d think that finding a relationship that’s mutually rewarding and healthy should be easy, but I can tell you that it is not, and here’s why … I estimate that people who are relatively intelligent and emotionally healthy comprise about 5 percent of the population – this is what I consider to be the only dating pool from which we professional women can operate. The other 95 percent must be avoided and can be identified by observing the following:
1. Still tethered to mom and/or birth family after age 35 – if they come first, you never will.
2. Over age 45 and having had either one (usually) short marriage and/or very few or no long term relationships. Don’t fret over not being able to grab this one, despite his age, this person, who physically looks like a man is still a boy.
3. Hangs with a bunch of guys who fall into # 2 listed above.
4. Brags about how his children will always come first. See explanation in #1 listed above.
5. You’re not sure what he does for a living. Sometimes he’s working, sometimes not, but whatever it is he does, there’s no name for it, when he talks about it you don’t understand it, and no one has ever seen him do it.
6. He wistfully talks about the good old days when he used to be successful. Yes, my friends, when times were good, he says, he bought his women expensive jewelry and cars like they were a penny a pound, he traveled the world and had his picture taken with Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela and they asked for his advice. But today, all he can give you is a toothpick after you pay for dinner. Don’t worry, he says, the good days shall return … in the meantime, can you loan him a hundred bucks?
7. Never ignores a short skirt, pretty leg, ample boot–ay, or upright boob size B cup and above. Oh, women hate it when this happens, so run!
8. Misunderstands most of what you say. Sorry, but there are a ton of men out there who look and dress intelligently but just don’t have many kilowatts upstairs. If you say, “I am looking for a man who is capable of emotional intimacy,” and he says, “I am very emotional,” run!
9. Smokes pot, uses drugs. Those of us who are still alive and lively appreciate men who are present, motivated, energized, and healthy. Pot suspends your ability to tune into other people. Need I say more?
10. Hates his job. If you don’t like what you’re doing, make a plan to do something else, then do it. Stagnation is a turn-off, and the top 5 percent don’t do it.
11. Doesn’t monitor his health. He’s sick but he won’t go to the doctor. Girls, if he doesn’t get check ups and is allergic to doctors you’ll be dating a ticking time bomb, and worse, he’s the type who won’t get Viagra or Cialis when the day comes.
12. Never flosses. Run, run! Also, never kiss a man who doesn’t go to the dentist at least once a year. Why? Do I really have to answer that?
13. Unemployed trust fund kid. These guys have the bucks, but are as boring as freeze-dried hamburger.
14. Personalito Nondevelopmento. Speaking of boring …
15. Not curious. You’re together and he never (or barely) asks you anything about you – good Lord the minutes will tick by slowly with this one – and if not you, what is he interested in, anyway?
Although that is a long list, unfortunately it is not a complete list. I’m sure you will help me to think of some more. But the good news is that although 95 percent of men are like the ones listed above, we still have that allusive 5 percent from which to make love happen … stay tuned for my reporting on how to recognize the Golden Fivers …
Don’t forget to add YOUR TAKE on how to identify the men in the bottom 95 …
Becky Whetstone is an Arkansas native and has a Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy from St. Mary’s University in San Antonio, Texas. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in Texas and Arkansas. 
