51 Ways to Heal after Divorce — Tips to Heal and Rebuild

A Marriage Therapist who’s been there shows ways to heal and recover.

Hearts get broken, but they can grow back stronger, with more compassion and wisdom. There are so many positive things a person who goes through a divorce can do for themselves. Credit Istock/Ceydakocaturk

No matter who wants a divorce, it’s an unforgettable, painful life upheaval that takes a long time to recover from. I define recovery as when the day arrives that you aren’t obsessing about it and feel relatively comfortable in whatever new situation you find yourself in. Although that will probably take at least two years, a psychologist once told me on average, it takes about one year for every five years of marriage to get to a comfortable place — it would not surprise me if it’s true.

I’ve been divorced three times, and I feel a part of my heart is missing wherever each one of those relationships was. You may find the same is true for you. A couple of the wounds are bigger and more tender. If I think about it, I can access each one and sit with it for a moment, remembering the difficult time each was, and the lessons learned. On my best days, I thank the universe for it all and send a little love and compassion to the Becky I was then.

Those relationships put a fire in my belly to learn everything I could about marriage, separation, divorce, and remarriage. I wanted to learn all the lessons I could not only to help others in the future but to help myself. I felt I was a good person, smart, and decent, but something I was doing was off kilter. My period of education and immersion in the subject of dating, relationships, and all things relational, helped me to grow, change, and eventually reward myself with a quality partnership that could go the long term. In addition to five years of graduate school. I went to therapy, attended numerous self-improvement seminars and workshops, and remained single for almost ten years, never having a boyfriend during that time. When it was all done, I became The Marriage Therapist who has been married four times — divorced three. I’ve learned many things between my own experiences and my job and wanted to put together a list of things people may benefit from during and following a divorce. I have left a spouse, and a spouse has left me, so I feel that no matter what you are going through, I probably understand.