https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/08/business/management-jerks.html?

Why I Thank the Worst Boss I Ever Had

She inspired me to arrange a life of self employment 

In 1997 I married a politician while I was a feature writer and twice-a-week columnist for the San Antonio Express-News. Writing the column was a dream, and I tolerated workplace bullying and sexual harassment to continue doing it. My features editor was always supportive and encouraging. That helped. In the late winter of 1996 she was replaced with Elaine Ayala, who immediately told me she was going to “Teach me how to write.” She’d ask me questions about the department workings and would snap at me in return, “I already knew that (roll eyes)!” 

We turned in digital and hard copies of our stories. I’d come back from lunch with the hard copy thrown in my chair, marked up in red flair pen and 2-inch words like, “No!” written at the top. In January I covered the presidential inauguration and Elaine said, “Make me proud.” I froze while digging for stories that made the front page. She never said a word to me about it. I got depressed, started having panic attacks and had writer’s block. For the first time I missed deadlines, and felt powerless to do anything about it. 

In May I married the politician and they took my one reason for tolerating the baloney away — my column. I went to the big cheese editor and told them I could not work for Elaine, to please move me to news or have someone else oversee my work. They denied my request, telling me I was a born feature writer and had to stay, so I resigned, fearing that I would die if I did not. As I packed my things, Elaine watched. She came up to me and said, “You never respected me.” “Hmm,” I thought, “I wonder why?”

I did not say anything in return, but wish I had. Respect is earned, of course, and when I had bosses who were supportive and encouraging, I’d do most anything for them. I wonder how my life would have been different had Elaine Ayala not entered my world. I have grown and matured a lot since then and imagine handling things differently. The one thing that came from it is I made a decision to situate myself where I would be permanently self-employed moving forward. Never would my career be in anyone else’s hands. It took a few years to get there, but I am grateful to Elaine for showing me how one toxic manager can change the course of a person’s life in a positive way. I am so happy, thrilled, ecstatic that employees in 2022 are not enabling arrogance and contempt from their bosses. It’s a cultural shift that needed to happen.

Becky Whetstone has a doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy and is a former writer for the San Antonio Express-News. Www.DoctorBecky.com.