Breakup tips for those who don’t do confrontation
If you think you can leave someone without confrontation or pain, you need to read this.
“Many human beings will go out of their way to avoid discomfort and to not cause others discomfort. This policy, adopted early in life, will cause lifelong suffering and dysfunction. The only way to true health and good relationships is to be real, show your authentic self to the world, speak your truth diplomatically and compassionately, and face your issues head-on as they arise.” — Doctor Becky
If you want to learn a lot about humankind, become a therapist. Most of us do the job because we care about people, we’re fascinated by relationship dynamics, and helping people is gratifying. It doesn’t hurt that what we learn helps us understand our own lives and relationships along the way.
Part of my experience has been astonishment at how many people will not advocate for themselves when doing so would change everything for the better. They will gripe, complain, wish things were different, expend tons of negative energy, and send stress levels through the stratosphere, but by golly, they won’t go straight to the person who bugs them and have a conversation. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, as the number one complaint couples bring to me is communication problems.
Some situations are relatively simple to solve, others more complicated. But the number one obstacle that gets in the way of good results is the clients themselves and the stories and excuses they weave for not wanting to do the healthy thing that would free them of their anguish. Are human beings cowards? In many cases, they are, but a better phrase is emotionally immature. The only healthy stance I can take in these cases is to continue visiting and hope they will change their mind. Here’s an example:
A female client, I’ll call Mrs. Jackson, came in recently and told me she wanted to divorce her husband of 19 years but wanted to do it without hurting him or their two children.
“She must think I have magical powers,” I thought. The mere fact that we are humans means there will be emotional pain along the way, surely, she understands that. But she was serious, and it was time for me to gently educate her about life, feelings, and emotional pain. Only after a short lesson might she be…
Becky Whetstone is an Arkansas native and has a Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy from St. Mary’s University in San Antonio, Texas. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in Texas and Arkansas. 
