Why I Thank the Worst Boss I Ever Had

Why I Thank the Worst Boss I Ever Had

She led me to know that I had to become self-employed.

The New York Times published an article recently No More Working for Jerks ! about how our workplace culture is changing and employees will not tolerate toxic bosses anymore. All I could says was, “How come it took so long?” Back when I worked in a large business, the corporate attitude was to accept the soul-killing reality of a toxic boss, and keep producing as if we were loving every minute.

In 1997 it all came to a head for me.

I married a politician while I was a feature writer and twice-a-week columnist for the San Antonio Express-News. Writing the column was a dream, and I tolerated workplace bullying and sexual harassment to continue doing it. My features editor was always supportive and encouraging, and that helped. In the late winter of 1996, however, she was replaced with Elaine Ayala, who immediately told me she was going to “Teach me how to write.”

I didn’t know anything about Elaine before the day she arrived, except that she was fairly new in the newsroom and had spent months trying to get reporters to enter their work in contests. As she arranged her desk on her first day, she asked me a question about the department workings, and when I answered, she snapped, “I already knew that (roll eyes)!”

We turned in digital and hard copies of our stories. I’d come back from lunch with a hard copy thrown in my chair, marked up in red flair pen with big red circles and 2-inch words like, “No!” written at the top. In January 1997 I covered the presidential inauguration and Elaine said, “Make me proud.” I froze in the nation’s capital while digging for stories that made the front page. She never said a word to me about it. I got depressed, started having panic attacks, and then, writer’s block. For the first time I missed deadlines, and felt powerless to do anything about it.

In May I married the politician and they took my one reason for tolerating the baloney away — my column. I went to the big cheese editor and told them I could not work for Elaine, to please move me to news or have someone else oversee my work. They denied my request, telling me I was a born feature writer and had to stay, so I resigned, fearing that I would die if I did not. As I packed my things, Elaine watched. She came up to me and said, “You never respected me.” “Hmm,” I thought, “I wonder why?”

I did not say anything in return, but wish I had. Respect is earned, of course, and when I had bosses who bestowed positive vibes, I’d do most anything for them. I wonder how my life would have been different had Elaine Ayala not entered my world, or if I had known better about how to handle it.

I have grown and matured a lot since then and sometimes fantasize about handling things differently. Still, the grief and disappointment of leaving the paper helped me know one thing about myself: I had to situate myself where I would be permanently self-employed. Never would my career be in anyone else’s hands. It took a few years to get there, but I am grateful to Elaine for showing me how one toxic manager can change the course of a person’s life in a positive way, if we will arrange it that way. I am so happy, thrilled, ecstatic that employees in 2022 are not enabling arrogance and contempt from their bosses. It’s a cultural shift that needed to happen.

Becky Whetstone has a doctorate in Marriage & Family Therapy from St. Mary’s University in San Antonio, Texas. She has a telehealth private practice and continues to write features on her blog. www.DoctorBecky.com

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