Do you accept my insurance? We do not accept insurance.
Do you do sex therapy with couples? I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and all MFT’s are trained to counsel couples with sexual issues. It is a very common thing, by the way, so no need for embarrassment or shame.
What is your style of therapy? First of all, what your goals for therapy are going to be my main focus on therapy. I may see other things you might like to work on also, and I’ll share them with you, but in the end it’s what you want and not what I want for you that’s important.
I am what is called a directive therapist. I teach people how to be healthy as individuals and in their relationships. I am very active in the conversation and see myself as a kindly – even fun – coach who can get tough if the case calls for it – for example, I am not likely to let a person’s baloney pass unaddressed, so just tell me the truth or I may call you on it!
I see my role as one to push, nudge, lean, and do what I can to influence people to be healthy and balanced with themselves and in their relationships. I find that what messes individuals and couples up is not the person, but the person’s thinking. People can be very off-the-mark in their thinking and processing of information, and I will bring this to your attention if I see it, but this is very good news. And yes, we will visit your childhood, and in sessions there is almost always some psycho-education involved. I draw lots of pictures and diagrams for couples because I like to make things very easy to understand. Also, we may laugh, cry, or … who knows? What I do know is that I care for my clients a great deal, so much that I want you to feel better and improve your life. I have a lot of education and experience, and you are going to learn and grow a lot in the process of the type of therapy that I do. I take what I do very seriously, but my office and the way I work is very casual and relaxed.
I am very influenced by the work of Pia Mellody, Terry Real, Byron Katie, Peter Levine … whose models are pure genius in helping people get healthy once and for all, and to also know what it is to have healthy relationships. Over-and-over again clients tell me they have had therapy before, but not like this. They learn what is not working and why, learn what will work and why, and we do whatever work we have to do to remove emotional obstacles to being able to do that.
Important note: I never attack people in our sessions, I attack the way they think — I mentioned inaccurate thinking above. My hope is you will be thankful that I do this, rather than take it personally. Nothing I do is personal. I operate from the assumption that all people are valuable and have all they need to be functional and happy, they just haven’t learned how to think and process information accurately. It’s not you, it’s the thinking!! Also, I don’t allow individuals to blame others for their unhappiness, as adults must accept responsibility for what is going on in their lives at any given time, and we all have choices available to do things differently. It is immature to blame, and the goal is to get people to grow up emotionally. If you are the kind of person who blames others for how your life is right now, only come to see me if you are willing and able to see things another way.
What will give me and my spouse the best chance for success in marriage therapy? I’m glad you asked. I need both of you to check your pride and ego at the door and bring a humble heart; I need both of you to be open-minded, flexible, and highly motivated to do the work I will be asking you to do. If I suggest a book to read, for example, read it. I will only suggest it because there is some gold to be mined in that book, and there is something there just for you that will be one of the bricks in your wall of successful marriage therapy. I need you to be totally honest, I need you to trust me, I need you to resist blaming your spouse and instead look within yourself at the areas in which you’ve been less of a spouse than you had hoped you would be … if you can do these things then we will see great things! Oh, and did I say that marriage therapy usually involves a rather long term commitment. Stay the course!
Do you text and email with clients? Yes, and I do phone, Zoom, and FaceTime, too. I am very accessible to my clients.
Why should I listen to someone like you who has been divorced? Shouldn’t I go to someone who has only known success in marriage? Wow, that one hurts! Just kidding, it really doesn’t. I feel I have had many life experiences that have enriched my life as a therapist. I was divorced from my kid’s dad in 1993 and was a single mom for years. Why people divorce is complicated and definitely does not indict a person as being defective or a failure. Because of my experience I can speak to you from the heart about the pain and difficulties of all of that, and lessons learned. I was not a therapist back then, but it was that experience that sent me looking for answers about how such a thing could happen. I wanted to understand it, and in my understanding I can now help others. It is the reason that I became a marriage therapist, and it is the reason I am so passionate about what I do. And, if it matters, I am now in a very happy marriage and getting it right, so the hard work of learning and growing has paid off!
Can you prescribe medications for me if I need them? No, sorry. I am a Ph.D. doctor, not a medical doctor. In our initial assessment I will usually be able to tell if you may benefit from medications. If we agree that you do, I have several doctors who I recommend, or you can go to your family doctor. We also offer other forms of therapy that may help you with depression or anxiety symptoms that does not involve medications.
Why is therapy so expensive? Because of overhead, mainly. That includes rent, furnishings, computers and equipment, license fees, continuing education, insurance – all of it. And the other thing is, it costs the average therapist with a Ph.D. many years and close to $100,000 for their education and training … many of us will be paying those debts for years. Even though the basic fee you pay seems expensive, therapists do not get wealthy doing what they do. To keep on top of my game, I spend over $5000 per year on training, so the outlay for education never ends. I go out and learn the greatest and most helpful new concepts, and bring them all back to help you.
Is there anything else I need to know? Yes, if there is one scintilla of a chance that you will ever involve me in your legal dealings by sending me a subpoena for my time or records, or ask me to testify for you, I will not accept your case. I am not a forensic psychologist who is trained to legally assess and testify, I will not likely help your case in any way, and I charge a fortune if these types of things come up. You will sign a paper at intake that informs you and obligates you to this. Also, a couple’s therapist needs the permission of both spouses to send records anywhere, to anyone.
